1. Your friends tell you that you have been acting strange lately, and
then you hit them several times with a sledgehammer.
2. Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that
you wouldn't expect tentacles to be growing from.
3. You start out each morning with a 30-minute jog around the bathroom.
4. You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends
you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.
5. Every time you see a street sign, you have a tremendous urge to
relieve yourself on it.
6. You wear your boxers on your head because you heard it will ward of
evil dandruff spirits.
7. You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for
setting fire to his lawn decorations.
8. Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death.
9. People stay away from you whenever they hear you howl.
10. Your breath smells more and more like squirrel dung each passing day.
11. You laugh out loud during funerals.
12. When your doctor tells you to say ah, you yell out "RAPE! RAPE!"
13. Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you
through that scuba mask.
14. You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've
stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going
to one day seek revenge.
15. You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.
-Continue yourself-